i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Randomize
