Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Randomize
