other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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