Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
