the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize