peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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