best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
