you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
