Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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