"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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