In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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