No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
