I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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