She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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