Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
