Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
