The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
