please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
