I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
