After last night, I could never be a politician.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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