First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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