you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
