you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
