Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
