dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
