dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
