You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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