remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
