I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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