Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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