i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
