some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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