what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
