I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
