She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
