Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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