there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
