She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
