I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
