Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize