I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
