Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
