Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
