So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
