Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
