I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
