I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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