The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
