I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude i'm inner monologue high
operation have a gay friend backfired
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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