I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize