I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
