Christians are straight up FREAKS
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
