i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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