May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
