please come you make the beer taste better
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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