I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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