I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
