Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
