just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
