I think my vagina is haunted
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
