I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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