dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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