the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize