I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So vagazzling was a success
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
