what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize