I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
pray to the hookup gods
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
