He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
In America we eat man semen.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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