I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
