ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
